Can Confidence Overcome Jealousy?

Have you ever experienced the havoc and destruction wreaked by what is often called the ‘green eyed monster’; jealousy. This is one of the negative based realities released through The Lotus Seed Process.

What is jealousy all about? People often think of it as being jealous of a third party in the relationship and has been defined as follows:

“Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may have no knowledge of threatening the relationship”
Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy)

Now, there may be times when the relationship is threatened and what you are feeling is your intuition coming into play. That’s a whole different ball game, for another article perhaps…

There may also be occasions where a partner’s behaviour is inappropriately flirtatious. This requires the confidence to be open about how this behaviour makes you feel and to communicate assertively so the situation is resolved. If your partner finds it hard to let go of this behaviour, I’d suggest it’s more to do with their lack of confidence and them looking for repeated ego boosts. If they won’t do anything about that (such as have an initial conversation with me or some other professional), then look at how you can help them to feel better about themselves. Show them you appreciate them, tell them you love them, initiate sex with them – you might not feel like doing these things yet sometimes when you act the feelings follow…

I’d ask you to consider whether jealousy crops up in your life regularly. Do you feel insecure when you hear of others’ successes? Has jealousy been a common theme in your relationships – either from your or your partner’s perspective? Do you feel jealous even at the thought of an ex-partner being with somebody else – even though you don’t want to be with them!

If so, then the real issue is probably more about your insecurities, than your partner. This is not unusual – many people feel the same way to one extent or another.

Emotional baggage from old relationships – with family and friends as well as past partners – can have a huge impact on us. It’s so painful for both parties in the relationship when jealousy rears its head. The one who is jealous can feel out of control and guilty because they’re being this way, even though they may realise deep down that they can trust their partner.

What is important to understand is that jealousy is often about not feeling good enough as it is about a lack of trust. A ‘lack of trust’ and a ‘lack of being good enough’ are two other negative based realities that usually exist alongside jealousy. Think about it, if you didn’t really feel good enough inside, why wouldn’t you expect your partner to go off with somebody that - in your mind - is better?

If the person has experienced it, ‘betrayal’ can be another negative aspect to release in order for the jealousy to fully disappear. The ‘alone’ based reality – a fear of being alone or lonely - can also make people feel insecure in relationships.

Nobody gets to be an adult without being let down in some way. People are human and make mistakes – that’s life. When working on jealousy, we may complete one or more relationships that are related to this issue. (When I say complete by the way, I mean we release the negativity in that relationship, not end the relationship.) For instance, if parents got divorced or one died, then the person may have a deep seated belief that people they love will leave them. Or they may have experienced infidelity in the past and find it hard to trust. Even having brothers and sisters that you competed with or were compared to in any way can lead to this.

I’ve experienced jealousy both from the point of view of being in a relationship with somebody who was terribly possessive and jealous as well as being the jealous one. Neither situation is pleasant or helpful.

Sometimes people feel needed and wanted if the other person is jealous of them. Trust me it’s a warning sign of a lack of confidence that could rear its ugly head further down the line in a variety of ways. When somebody is in fear of loosing the relationship how can they possibly be open, loving and communicative if they’re being eaten up inside with these negative feelings.

What is important to know is that this issue can definitely be resolved. You don’t need to suffer and your partner or future partners don’t need to suffer either… Letting go of the emotional baggage is essential to get there.

One person can easily say to another, “He/She would never be unfaithful to you!” It’s all very well knowing that on an intellectual level, quite another to not get triggered by it! Consider a spider. What harm can a spider do? Yet all over the world there are people who jump onto a chair or run out of the room as soon as they see one. The impact of our emotional baggage is rarely rational…

So who do you know that is suffering from jealousy or a jealous partner? Pass this article on to them so they can get a different perspective and consider how they may change.

If this topic affects you, please give me a call on 07766 917890, 0845 6442301 or or drop me an email on Una@BusinessPioneersProfit.com and I’d be happy to have an initial chat with you free of charge.

Una