“If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a
tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless.”Mahatma Gandhi
To forgive or not forgive, that is the question… For some people it doesn’t even enter their heads as they’re so busy holding on to old hurts, anger and resentment.
Why would you want to forgive anyway? What difference does it make? It’s something talked about in every major religion in the world, yet also something that often is portrayed as very difficult and unobtainable.
Perhaps some of this is because many people don’t understand what forgiveness is. When I’m working with clients and forgiveness crops up – particularly doing The Lotus Seed Process when completing relationships – they often feel like it is the same as condoning. This is not the case at all.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the past. It doesn’t mean that you approve of a person or their behaviour. It doesn’t make them right in any way, shape or form.
It also doesn’t mean that if somebody is abusive in some way that in forgiving them that you should let them carry on with this behaviour. Setting and sticking to healthy boundaries is very important and, funnily enough, is often easier to do when you’ve let go of the past through forgiveness. I’ve seen this time and time again when clients have completed relationships and then are then are different because they’ve really changed how they feel and behave in the future.
Why would you want to forgive anyway? What difference does it make? It’s something talked about in every major religion in the world, yet also something that often is portrayed as very difficult and unobtainable.
Perhaps some of this is because many people don’t understand what forgiveness is. When I’m working with clients and forgiveness crops up – particularly doing The Lotus Seed Process when completing relationships – they often feel like it is the same as condoning. This is not the case at all.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the past. It doesn’t mean that you approve of a person or their behaviour. It doesn’t make them right in any way, shape or form.
It also doesn’t mean that if somebody is abusive in some way that in forgiving them that you should let them carry on with this behaviour. Setting and sticking to healthy boundaries is very important and, funnily enough, is often easier to do when you’ve let go of the past through forgiveness. I’ve seen this time and time again when clients have completed relationships and then are then are different because they’ve really changed how they feel and behave in the future.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Think about it this way. If somebody has wronged you and you hold on to it, who is suffering? You or them? Do they even know that you are affected by it? If they did know, would they care? Probably not. So if you’re the one in pain, what’s stopping you letting go? What’s more important, being right or your peace of mind?
In order to become more confident, it is essential to let go of the past. Otherwise negative emotions get in the way and can cause you to repeat old patterns, instead of moving onwards and upwards.
It’s clear to me that in letting go of emotional baggage, in releasing the past, letting go of pain and hurt caused by relationships is pretty central.
In order to become more confident, it is essential to let go of the past. Otherwise negative emotions get in the way and can cause you to repeat old patterns, instead of moving onwards and upwards.
It’s clear to me that in letting go of emotional baggage, in releasing the past, letting go of pain and hurt caused by relationships is pretty central.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.”
Anon
So often our baggage is linked inextricably with an experience. Our experiences nearly always have some connection with a relationship. So you might ‘get the lesson’ of that experience, yet without completing the relationship, remnants of that baggage can remain as a trigger. These triggers are what often cause us to over-react or be stressed.
Forgive Yourself
This also includes forgiving yourself. I bet reading this right now you can conjour up at least one occasion that you might benefit from forgiving yourself for! Often when I’m working with clients this can be the most difficult bit.
Think also about forgiving yourself for your part in a relationship when forgiving somebody else. After all, in some way perhaps you chose that person. You might have turned a blind eye to what was going on. Maybe you didn’t listen to your intuition, or for whatever reason you let them treat you in some way that you rather you hadn’t. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons, such as personal safety or genuine fear of something. Forgiving ourselves is always a positive experience, so be nice to yourself.
I had to do this when forgiving the key person who bullied me when I was younger. The thing is that as soon as I stood up to them, they stopped. I was like, hellooooo?! Why did this take me so long? I had put up with it for years. Probably ten years in fact.
People often feel the need to be perfect. Yet as human beings none of us are perfect – even me! {Grin}
Let go of any associated guilt too. Think about it, isn’t guilt is usually about the past and worry usually about the future? Release both guilt and worry and that could go a long way to helping you to be in the present, to really live in the now – a much more pleasant experience I can tell you!
Forgive Yourself
This also includes forgiving yourself. I bet reading this right now you can conjour up at least one occasion that you might benefit from forgiving yourself for! Often when I’m working with clients this can be the most difficult bit.
Think also about forgiving yourself for your part in a relationship when forgiving somebody else. After all, in some way perhaps you chose that person. You might have turned a blind eye to what was going on. Maybe you didn’t listen to your intuition, or for whatever reason you let them treat you in some way that you rather you hadn’t. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons, such as personal safety or genuine fear of something. Forgiving ourselves is always a positive experience, so be nice to yourself.
I had to do this when forgiving the key person who bullied me when I was younger. The thing is that as soon as I stood up to them, they stopped. I was like, hellooooo?! Why did this take me so long? I had put up with it for years. Probably ten years in fact.
People often feel the need to be perfect. Yet as human beings none of us are perfect – even me! {Grin}
Let go of any associated guilt too. Think about it, isn’t guilt is usually about the past and worry usually about the future? Release both guilt and worry and that could go a long way to helping you to be in the present, to really live in the now – a much more pleasant experience I can tell you!
Forgiveness applies just as much to our parents. At some point becoming a grown-up involves seeing your parents or guardians, not just as the people who brought you up but as human beings with human failings.
How To Forgive
Well for the best results I would recommend having a Lotus Seed Process introductory session. That way you can clear out any associated negativity – such as fear, guilt, blame, abuse, being a victim, anger, etc. - when you complete the relationship. This means that how you feel and behave will change because you have finally let go of these old patterns at very deep levels.
Even without these tools, you can make a difference by simply saying the words, “I forgive [name] for [action]”. You don’t have to feel forgiving first, just make the statement and trust that it will have an impact. If you find any negative emotions coming up then say, “I release this [emotion] towards [person]”.
And remember, just for fun…
“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
Happy forgiving!
Una
